I am a river.
Strong, raging, tumbling, joyful
Carving deep into slabs of hard, hard rock
Through lush oases and built up towns and empty space,
I pick up stones and carry them
For long unblinking miles.
Then drop them.
Unnoticed, uncaring.
And countryside and cities
Are beautiful and thrilling in equal measure.

Rushing, racing
Strong and unstoppable
No rock, or hill or man-made wall can stop me.
Not forever.
But then:
But then.

The cold comes sudden, harsh, freezing
Frozen.
And I am numb.
And suddenly the world means nothing anymore.

Obstacles and rocks and trees still hit me
I watch them unnerved but also from afar
I am outside my body
Somehow deep inside and also watching from above
Until something, someone, many things?
Reach through this-
This cold and unrelenting pain
Take me firmly by a trembling hand
And pull me up and out again.

And maybe that is all I need to start the thaw,
Maybe it’s not the sun
That starts the river running
Joyous and vibrant and full of life once more.

But quiet words.
Spoken fiercely.
A gentle whisper and a tight embrace.
I love you Sarah.

My beautiful, broken, breaking daughter.

I will always love you-
No matter what.

 

By Sarah Benham

 


Header image by Edward Zulawski

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