CN: Suicidal ideation, self-harm,
you’re either about to do something reckless, or about to do nothing.
iPhone screen cracked lights
text green ‘u okay?’
No, you tap out
with fingernails scooped with bloody-brown dried
U OK –
right now it feels like you’ve never been
and never can be.
as if he was in the room
lurking in the iron vapour smell,
he chews on your knuckles tremble backspacing, backtrack,
cracked lips tear together as you try
to squeeze a single tear.
you fake-stare till your eyes
go dry, just so when they stream you can convince yourself that you
yes, you can feel it
and you will do it all alone
you want someone to fix this, imagine that
blue-siren wail halting up at your door,
equipment, wards and clipboards, they could fix it.
and the intervention of your dreams is welcome but
only if it guesses your address,
door’s on latch –but you don’t dare creak it open;
it is better to be dead
than to be attention-seeking.