CN: Suicidal ideation, self-harm,

hospitalisation, death


you’re either about to do something reckless, or about to do nothing.

iPhone screen cracked lights

text green ‘u okay?’

No, you tap out

with fingernails scooped with bloody-brown dried

Bloody mess.


U OK –

right now it feels like you’ve never been

and never can be.

as if he was in the room

lurking in the iron vapour smell,

he chews on your knuckles tremble backspacing, backtrack,

cracked lips tear together as you try

to squeeze a single tear.

you fake-stare till your eyes

go dry, just so when they stream you can convince yourself that you

feel it.


yes, you can feel it

and you will do it all alone


you want someone to fix this, imagine that

blue-siren wail halting up at your door,

equipment, wards and clipboards, they could fix it.


and the intervention of your dreams is welcome but

only if it guesses your address,

door’s on latch –but you don’t dare creak it open;

it is better to be dead

than to be attention-seeking.


Header photo by Akio Takemoto

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