By Lauren Gee
Leeds
CN: depression, anxiety
I don’t see you coming
And even if I couldÂ
That slowly draining feeling you give me
The lack of energyÂ
The wave of darkness,
Would still comeÂ
When you’re not with me, I wait for you
On edge, alert, empty
You tell me without you I am incomplete
I have learnt to accept your presence
Accept the way you make me feel
The way you make me stop, listen and cry
In moments without you, you find a way back
Question my happiness, my worth
Denying the things that you are made of and that you do to meÂ
We don’t speak when we’re togetherÂ
Unless you tell me I am small
The need to hide
The need to stay silentÂ
You make me feel as though without you I can’t beÂ
I know you are a fiction
That I was once someone without you
Reassuring myself you and I aren’t to always be together
That I deserve better
You do not strengthen me
My resistance to your clutch does
And without you to resist, I will still be strongÂ
On days when I wonder where you are
What to do in your absenceÂ
I rallyÂ
Defiant in my happiness
For we can’t and won’t be togetherÂ
The day when you and I part ways is coming
This day is a reward for my resistanceÂ
Testament to my strength
And I will treasure itÂ
Header image – Snow in Cambridge in February, Flo Arden
This poem perfectly captures depression. Wonderful writing!
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